Big Oil makes case to quite, move on to renewable energy...now!

This headline caught my interest:

Despite boom oil companies struggling

It was the most amazing piece of big oil whining I've seen from these blood suckers. The most profitable companies the world has ever known are in a slump, dejected, and sadly promising higher prices at the pump if things don't get better. Boo hoo?

I will try and hit just the “low” points that show how the suffering oil barons are just limping along:

New troves of oil have been found all over the globe, and oil companies are taking in around $100 for every barrel they produce. But these seemingly prosperous conditions aren't doing much for Big Oil:

AP/Fox News: Profit and production at the world's largest oil companies are slumping badly.

Exxon Mobil, Shell and BP all posted disappointing earnings this week. All of them face the same problem: The cost to get newfound oil from remote locations and tightly packed rock is high and rising. And it takes years and billions of dollars to get big new production projects up and running.

Still not tearing up? By the way, are they arguing against oil? It sure sounds that way:

The higher extraction costs could translate to higher oil and gasoline prices for consumers. Brian Youngberg, an analyst at Edward Jones, "Even though oil prices are $100 or higher, the returns on investment aren't what they used to be."

I can barely control by sobbing. Sounds like alternative energy’s the way to go:

The new oil being found and produced is in ultra-deep ocean waters, in sands that must be heated … makes this new oil far more expensive to get -- large pools of oil and gas in relatively easy-to-drill locations have always been hard to find, but now they are all but gone outside of the Middle East.

See, we’re running out of oil, time to move on to green energy:

David Vaucher, who tracks oil production, says new oil projects in the U.S. and Canada, require high oil prices to be profitable.

Many oil analysts predict that relatively weak growth in world oil demand coupled with rising production from newfound fields will make for flat or lower oil prices in the years to come. But if big oil companies can't earn strong profits … it may mean prices will have to rise higher to convince them it's worth the risk … If they worry they can't make enough money, they'll cut back.

Okay, okay, it’s time to abandon our dependence on oil, I get it:

The growth of U.S. oil production is slowing because the best new American fields have been tapped, and the number of rigs probing new fields has flattened out … major oil companies such as Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Royal Dutch Shell and BP were late to get into the U.S. shale oil game, and therefore had to pay high prices to acquire promising land. And the drilling is hugely expensive, too. Drillers are making technological leaps that are reducing some costs, but those are being countered by higher costs to lease equipment, buy supplies and pay workers rise that are shrinking profits. For a major oil company like Exxon or Shell, even big increases from dozens of wells in Texas or North Dakota aren't enough to make up for declining production in giant fields around the globe.

The oil majors have been investing heavily in major new projects, but the price tags are so high that the companies can't pursue everything they want.