Child indoctrination for Republican Zealots: Conservative Teen Magazine!

Could anything be more surreal than this cover, and the amazing articles inside?

Here’s a great description of this incredible publication that says all that needs to be said, from Jezebel:

The Conservative Teen: For the Prematurely Elderly Teenage Lame-o In Your Life

Hey kids! Do you hate awesome, fun things that are not driven by an aversion for shame and divine punishment? Are you a terrible drag at parties? Then boy oh boy is this ever the magazine for you. Let's peruse the Aryan stock photo model-intensive pages of the latest issue of The Conservative Teen and get red state-ified.

When The Conservative Teen was first brought to my attention, I assumed, based on the stern-looking Daughters of the American Revolution cover model and the terribly unhip cover lines, that the thing was a joke put together by a progressive kid with access to Photoshop frustrated by the inescapable conservatism of their buttoned-up suburb. But  It's real! The Conservative Teen has its wrinkly fingers on the pulse of America's youth with such hip, fresh headlines as "Hot Air & Cold Facts," an article all about the liberal media bias Words like "cameo," "systematic," and "contempt."

Use them in conversations with your cooler friends to convince them that the world as it appears is one giant conspiracy designed to get you on welfare. Lest readers forget that this magazine is FUN, there are cartoons in the pages as well, and most of them are about totally teen topics like the IRS. Unfortunately, the free preview issue is no longer available for online download, possibly because conservatives love the free market until the free market decides that a conservative idea is unintentionally hilarious and ridicules it.