Vilified Wealthy now Hiding in the Shadows, Afraid and Embarrassed. Won't someone help them please...

The most surreal commentary appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel over the weekend, that is funnier than it is offensive, and it’s really, really offensive.

Christian Schneider may have to hide who he is in public after this editorial:

jsonline: Somehow, beef jerky has become the snack of kings; walking down the street while munching on dried meat is suddenly an indicator of vulgar opulence.

In a way, the rise of beef jerky as status symbol reflects how public attitudes have changed toward wealth in general. Wealthy people, once proud of their success, now try to hide it out of embarrassment. For instance, the upper class used to have an agreed-upon dress code; now, the ideal is to be filthy rich and dress like a hobo. Gone is the grace and elegance of the upper class - they have been so vilified, they now must walk among us in disguise.

Feeling sad for the rich yet? Schneider apparently didn’t get the Frank Luntz memo that replaced “wealthy,” with the middle class friendly term “job creator.” But there’s more laughs…I mean sadness to follow:

I would argue the Occupy ethos has something to do with rich people masquerading as the middle class. Nobody wants to be derided as a "one percenter," or have to defend their success on a daily basis to a bearded guy who has all his mail delivered to a tent.  

Oops, I forgot to grow the beard. Ron Johnson’s meal ticket into the millionaires club through marriage if often ignored, like in this passage that forgets about such minor details:

Mayor Rahm Emanuel referred to rich people as "the most fortunate," as if they just sat around, waiting for the money stork to drop a million bucks down their chimney.

Schneider reflects the greedy daydreams of conservative voters who think that someday they too, will be outrageously rich, instead of comfortable middle class (who wants that?). In one fell swoop, Schneider says a lot about who these people are:

As someone who can currently barely afford to pay attention, I am an aspiring one-percenter. And when the world opens up the money spigot to me, I will be wholly unapologetic for my wealth. I will dress like Mr. Peanut, buy sweaters for rescue dogs and purchase Miller Park just so I can watch What's Happenin' reruns on the big screen by myself. And most important, I will laugh maniacally while walking down the street and shoving beef jerky into my mouth.

After reading this conservative tripe, is there anything funnier than the use of the word “nonpartisan:” Christian Schneider is a senior fellow at the Wisconsin Policy Research Institute, a nonpartisan conservative think tank.